My Ten Deadly Sins

Writer's block is the worst thing that can happen to any artist... actually, not the worst thing.  I guess, maybe writer's block and syphilis could qualify as worse.  Okay, uh: writer's block, syphilis, and being a Green Bay Packers fan during the month of March could all be rough.  At twenty-five, you would think I have a ready arsenal of tricks-up-my-sleeve to combat this malaise.  Nope.  I decided to list the top ten excuses I've been telling myself for the last two days to put off working on my various writing projects.

1. The City of Philadelphia will only see a Super Bowl championship if I'm calling the shots

Madden 08 has been calling to me for the last two days.  I've got to do my hometown proud from the privacy of my living room.  In my universe, Donovan McNabb's gimp knee is fine, the Philadelphia Eagles went 17-2 this past season, and we traded away three draft picks to get Randy Moss.

2. Research requires watching TV and the internet

As a performer in New York, I've got to stay sharp.  This means catching up on all the Law & Orders and Clark and Michaels I've been missing over the last year.

3. There are a lot of dogs in my neighborhood

Seriously, have you ever noticed?  I love dogs.  I've been a dog person ever since my first summer in New York in 2001.  There're adorable.  Nothing like going to Prospect Park all day to just stare at dogs.

4. Comedy Message Boards

There is a whole online community that I finally become a part of in the last seven months. But I've been doing improv for a year and a half now.  I've got to catch-up on having the same serious conversation about the craft with all the other nerds while also lambasting Hillary Clinton and contributing to the There Will Be Blood joke thread.  

5. I've got mid-season, after the All-Star break, post-trade deadline NBA fever

Catch it!

6. Look at the size of this Sunday New York Times!

It's huge!  Chuck Klosterman wrote an article about the rebuilding of the Boston Celtics, Mikhail Baryshnikov is a new consultant from some ballet company, we're losing the fight in Afghanistan - there's a story in the "Real Estate" section about some dumb schmuck who wanted to live in Manhattan for under $900 a month and he had to settle for Astoria!  C'mon people!

7. There's a 2:15 showing of Into The Wild and, maybe, I could movie-hop into the 5:45 showing of There Will Be Blood

Hmmm...

8. The collective (and collected) wisdom in the two month old "10 Years of 'What I've Learned'" issue of Esquire I still have

Words of experience never sounded truer from a Iraq war veteran, Michael J. Fox, Joan Rivers, and some guy from Teaneck, N.J.

9. Facebook has become my new personal assistant

What's that Facebook?  All those jerk-off kids who didn't get me in high school are now married, have a kid, and are still in their mid-twenties?  HA!  They never left home?  Double HA!  They're pulling in a steady five-figure salary with health insurance and a 401(k)?  Triple - wait a minute...

10. Brooklyn chicks are my kryptonite

Okay: it's Sunday night, it's 11:30, my apartment is half-cleaned, I've got work in the morning, but the bars are still open... somebody's gotta want to get laid, too.