What I've Learned...

Today marks two full years that I've been living in New York City. Certainly there have been highs and lows, some broken dreams, a few triumphs, and too many times has something wet dripped on my head from a building's edifice, prompting me to think "Oh God, I hope that was water."

To mark my anniversary in The Big Apple, I am opting for a lack of originality and offering some bits of wisdom in the style of Esquire magazine's "What I've Learned..." Enjoy.

What I've Learned... Matt Fried, 25, Brooklyn, New York

*You can live in New York City without a roommate.

*I used to be threatened by yuppies, until I learned they're just as broke and cynical as I am.

*The Philadelphia Phillies were my dad's baseball team, The New York Mets are my team. My mom is fine with this - just don't ever mention it to her.

*Fuck The New York Yankees.

*New York Women are not as complex as men make them out to be. They just learn the politics of dating quicker. My tip: play fast and loose, don't fear rejection, and any woman who insults you is speaking in code - "Please sleep with me."

*Don't complain about how New York sucks in 2008. This is your time, make it interesting to you.

*On that note, have you ever read about what Manhattan was like in 1975? No one in my generation could've handled that, no one. Do you think an Abercrombie kid knows how to negotiate a meth deal with a pimp in Harlem who hides a Bengal Tiger in his bathroom while Reggie Jackson was breaking hearts in The Bronx? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.

*The best deal in New York is the Recession Special at Gray's Papaya, hands down.

*Take time to learn something new every day. Impressing people with useless knowledge wins respect.

*Don't fear failure. Fear fear.

*When I first met Manhattan, I thought we were going to be together forever. Then she broke my heart; way more high maintenance than I could deal with. Brooklyn came into my life at the right time. Though I dated Queens for a while, we eventually got together in September 2006. I haven't looked back since.

*Monogamy before thirty in this city will be the death of you.

*There is no such thing as a decent New York Cheesesteak place. Please stop, it's a lost cause.

*I don't believe in luck anymore. I believe in karma. In a place like New York, everyone is getting and giving. Fate's in your hands, use it wisely.

*Casual sex is fun.

*Casual dating is better.

*I still hate Billy Joel's music.

*Welcome to New York City, the place where anything is possible. Can I get a tall soy latte, with an oatmeal raisin cookie?