Damn You, Better Judgement

Who the hell do I think I am? How is it that I manage - without fail - to lie to myself about buying new music? Here this country is: in the midst of a recession, I'm flat broke, and yet I find myself unquestionably forking cash over to build a music collection that can survive, as is, for a few years of fiscal crisis. The new additions are as follows:

Why buy these new records? What motivates me to spend money I need to save? I think it's because deep down inside I tell myself I need them. Consumer addiction is a very hard thing to break. Especially when you make the mistake at the age of fourteen of letting it identify you. I would like to pretend that every piece of music I own is somehow a piece of who I am, because it speaks to my soul. Or, it helps me "rock out". Or, I simple bought it because I like it. That's not the case. At least twenty percent of my collection is made up of impulse buys; records I thought would make me look interesting to other people. Eighty percent of what I own, I own because I thought it would make me a part of something bigger. A scene. A community. At the very least, I would finally get all those Bright Eyes references I read about on Pitchfork.

These issues didn't use to bother me until I was on my own and buying stuff with my own money. Funny how, when we are completely independent, we - as human beings - are faced with self-evaluation, or just ignoring our motives. You could say I'm wasting money, but the truth is, I like buying new music, even if it does put me in the hole. I admit, I buy the new music for partially shallow reasons. But, if it's not my local record shop and MGMT, then it's my local book store and Eckert Tolle.

Frankly, I already have a shrink to tell me I'm crazy. So I ask the world to only give me this...